Siriusly BLACKmailed!
by FreakishlyMee
Summary: Lily Evans would rather have her diary posted in the Hogwarts Times than go out with James Potter. Now she actually has to choose... This is what I call BLACKmail! Rated T for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything except for the plot. **

**Okay, so this is my first Fanfic so don't be too hard on me. I hope you like it so far! :D**

'Evans, you're the apple of my eye, will you have my children?',asked Potter for like, the millionth time that day.

'Sod off, Potter!', I said, getting _ very _pissed.

Can't a girl do her Potions homework _without _a stupid guy interrupting, if we can call him a guy, that is. I seriously doubt his sexuality. That's when Black came walking in like freaking constipated mongoose. I rolled my eyes and _tried_ continue to do my oh-so-boring Potions homework. They _so_ don't understand that some of us actually have to _study_ to get good grades.

'PRONGSIE! You have detention with Slughorn. Remember?', Black said grinning.

I rolled me eyes _again_. Gosh, I've been doing that a lot lately.

'Aw, shit! Slughorn's gonna kill me.', Potter said accidently tripping over an innocent First Year on his way out. I sighed with relief, peace, finally!

'OI, EVAAAAANS!'

Maybe not.

'What do you want, Black?'

'Aw, Evans. Don't be mean.', He pouted.

I sighed, 'Get on with it Black, I'm trying to study here-'

He took out a very familiar looking diary.

Wait, MY diary. Aw, shit. I'm screwed. He cleared his throat and began to read

'_And his eyes shone as bright as a shining star looking at me asking me with an adorable look in his eyes, 'Hey Lily! I missed potions yesterday. What's the homework?' Aw, he's such a gentleman. Remus Lupin is soo perfect. How could someone be so amazingly perfect-I mean, his hair is so smooth and shiny and he looks like_-'

I felt my face go red, probably redder than my hair which is saying something.

Relax, Lily. Breathe. This is not the end of the world. Wait, how did he get my diary anyway?

Must. Be. Calm. Who am I kidding?

'SIRIUS BLACK! YOU IDIOTIC PIECE OF HIPPOGRIFF SHIT! YOU ARE SUCH AN ASSHOLE!'

'Language, Evans.', he said looking as innocent as a fucking snake.

I'm not gonna lie, I was shit scared about what he's gonna do with it. Goodbye, my lovely days of happiness. Wait, how in the freakin' world did he get it?

'Black, now, I'm gonna ask you calmly and peacefully, HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO STEAL MY DIARY? YOU ARE SUCH A BLOODY THIEF. WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ANYWAY? A GOD? WELL GUESS WHAT? YOU ARE JUST A BLOODY FLOBBERWORM!'

'Well, Evans. I nicked it out of your underwear drawer. Very nice underwear, by the way.'

Okay, that's it. I was pissed, totally. Very nice _underwear_? Way to make a girl angry.

'Oh, and I didn't know you fancied Remus, Evans.' He continued, smirking.

'Give me back my diary, NOW!', that sounded lame, even to my own ears.

'Yeah, _right_. After all the trouble I've been through to get it? No way.'

'What do you want? Do you _like _making people's lives miserable?'

'No no, I only like making your life miserable. Anyway, I've got a proposal for you.', he said, smirking.

'I don't want to be your girlfriend, Black. If that's what you're saying.'

'Don't flatter yourself. Anyway, the thing is Jamsie likes you. And _I _have to listen to his constant moaning, _'Ooh, Evans is so pretty like a thousand daisies in a meadow.'_, he scoffed_. '_ Look, just go out with him for one month and do whatever afterwards or I'll post this in The Hogwarts Times. '

'You wouldn't', I asked hoping that he wouldn't be so heartless.

'Try me.'

Aw, shit. Yep, I'm doomed.

Completely and hopelessly doomed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer- I don't own own anything! **

I just stood there..my mouth opening and closing like a demented goldfish.

Fortunately for Black, I am rather good at controlling my temper or I would've Avada'd his ass off there and then. If that idiotic git posts my diary in the newspaper then EVERYONE in Hogwarts will know about my crush on Remus_. Aah, Remus..His eyes, blue with a tinge of green, his hair an amazing shade of-_

FOCUS LILY! That's when I slapped myself. I think that's the best way to focus. It kinda 'wakes you up'.

'Did you just slap yourself?', Black asked in disbelief. Oh, right, That git's still here.

'Yep', I said as though it's like, the most _normal_ thing in the world.

Not that I'm normal or anything.

I mean which _normal_ person would have to choose between going out with an insufferable, conceited pig, or having her diary posted in the bloody SCHOOL NEWSPAPER!

Yeah, I know, right?

'Evans, I don't have all day. Are you gonna do what I say or not?', Black asked.

_Do what he says._ That could mean anything- He might make me run around the corridor in my underwear.

Stupid Black.

'Evans?', he said waving a hand in front of my face.

'Fine.', I sighed. As soon as I said that Black grinned widely, as though Christmas had come early or something. He is so evil, so _Sirius-ish._ I mean you might as well put a name-tag on him saying-' I AM EVIL, BEWARE'

'So, what exactly am I supposed to do?', I asked in a calm voice- as calm as I could make it, anyway. 'Oh there's a lot you're supposed to do..', he smirked,'Ask him out, in _exactly _the way I tell you to, that's the first step.'

And guess what I _did._

…..

This is it.

The most embarrassing moment of my life, I thought as I stared at myself in the mirror, straightening my bunny ears.

That's right _bunny ears. _URGH!I wish Black would just evaporate or something.

I sighed as I walked into the common room and that's when I saw Potter who wasdoing his homework.

Funny, I've never seen him do his homework before, guess there's a first for everything.

Dancing around in a bunny costume is one such thing.

I walked straight up to James and shouted- _Sonorous! _Sirius had thought of _everything _to make me embarrassed. Everyone was staring at me trying not to laugh. They didn't do a very good job at it. Stupid people.

I did a weird bunny dance- consisting of hopping around as though I really wanted to pee. I sang-

'_You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum_

_Pumpy-umpy-umpkiiin, You're my Sweetie Pieeeee__  
__You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop__  
__Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye __  
__And I love you so and I want you to know__  
__That I'll always be right here__  
__And I love to sing sweet songs to you__  
__Because you are so deeeeeeear!_

James Potter, I request thee to go out with me. Do me the honour by coming to Hogsmeade with me'

To say everyone was shocked was an understatement.

And of course, to say everyone was amused was a bigger understatement.

'Snoogums-Boogums..? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAA!', said some weird Fifth year idiot who looked totally constipated-he was laughing so hard. So was everyone in the WHOLE FREAKIN' GRYFFINDOR HOUSE! Except Potter, he looked as though someone had cast the Freezing Charm on him. 'Are you serious?', he asked finally 'un-freezing' himself. 'No, I'm Sirius, you prat!', Black said as he got up and sat on the couch (He had fallen down, laughing, I guess.) Potter glared at him. Then a smile slowly crept up on his face as he came and hugged me. I awkwardly patted his back.

'Yes of course, Po- James..', I replied dully.

'I KNEW IT! LILY ASKED ME OUT! LILY ASKED ME OUUUT!'

'Um, sure I did.'

'I'M LILY'S SUGERPLUM!'

'Right.'

'PADFOOOT! GUESS WHAT? LILY ASKED ME OUUUUT!'

'Prongs, I know. I saw. _Love _the bunny costume, by the way.', Black smirked.

I reallyy want to kill him right now.

'You look adorable, Lily!.', James said grinning widely, finally calming down. 'Thanks.', I blushed.

By the way I blushed because Remus was looking at me, he was standing behind Potter and was holding _Hogwarts: A History. _I used to think I was the only one who liked it. He does too! See, we have soo much in common.

'See you in Hogsmeade, Lily!', Potter said smiling again as he walked out of the Common room probably going for his Transfiguration class or something.

That's when people started clicking pictures of me. 'DON'T YOU DIMWITS HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO DO?', I yelled as I went back into the girls dorm.

My friends are gonna give me a hard time now. Heck, _everyone _is gonna give me a hard time.

As I started walking up the stairs toward my common room Black came and whispered in my ear, 'Nice singing, Evans', he winked at me. I decided to ignore him as I continued walking up the stairs as he said, 'Oh, and Evans? This is just the our little secret which means James cannot and will not know. Is that understood?'

I glared at him. I wonder

_Lily, what the heck have you gotten yourself into? _I thought as I collapsed onto my bed.

**Yayyy! Two chapters done!**

**I really enjoyed writing this one! I hope you liked it. Don't ask me how Sirius found a muggle song because I've got no idea!**

**I also wanted to thank you all for reviewing my story. You've got no idea how happy that made me. :D**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer- I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! :)**

**This chapter is dedicated to-**

**18Cyber-Cat18- whose birthday it is today! **_**Happy biiiiirthdaaaay!**_

**Redmangobliss95- You're awesome. :D**

**...**

'I heard she asked out Potter.'

'How could she ask him out? She _knows _how much I like him.'

'Most of the female population of Hogwarts likes him.''

'Oh, right.'

Have you ever felt as though wherever you go it's like _everyone_ is talking about either you or your bunny costume? Well I have. It's been going on for the whole freaking DAY! And it's only 8.00am- Breakfast time!

I'm sitting at the Gryffindor table with my friends who've been bugging me since this morning about the, er- _incident _that happened yesterday. They probably would have attacked me last night, but I pretended to be asleep.

I, of course told them that I was under the Imperious Curse, but I'm pretty sure they didn't believe me. Stupid, over-observant people.

Luckily, I didn't have to meet Potter as he was in the Hospital Wing. _Someone _accidently pushed him down the staircase so he's broken a couple of bones. And what a _pity_ that is.

As soon as I was about to go for Charms class a very familiar voice yelled-

'EVAAAANS!'

_Oh, great. Now I'm gonna have a super time being blackmailed by this idiot._

'What?', I turned around, annoyed.

'Evans, darling, I've got the next task for you.', Black said grinning evilly.

'Yay!' I replied dully.

'Now, now, Evans, you must not forget that your diary is in my possession ', he took out my diary and I internally groaned.

'_As he walked down the lane_

_My heart lurched in both happiness and pain_

_Lubb-dubb Lubb-dubb_

_I'm a love-dove_

_His eyes are as blue as the ocean_

_It's like he's given me a Love Potion-_

_For him I've got devoti-'_

'BLACK!', I growled, 'If you don't shut up in another thirty seconds I swear I'll hard-boil your nose, transfigure it into a rabbit and make it sing Cuppy Cake.'

He gulped.

'Oh my gosh! Guess what? Lily asked out James!', exclaimed an idiotic Hufflepuff.

That's it, now I've had enough.

'OH, PUT A SOCK IN IT!'

...

After two days of torture, teasing and bunny imitations the Hogsmeade weekend was just a day away. Black had carefully explained his idiotic plan to me and warned me that he'd be lurking around somewhere during mine and Potter's _date._

I haven't met Potter for those two days since I've had prefect duties, and well, I'm an extremely talented avoider. I have, most unfortunately had to spent three minutes every day with Sirius. Trust me, it's not pleasant- especially the day he had eaten a lot of garlic and beans; trust me again when I say that it wasn't pretty, it didn't smell too good, either.

I woke up on Saturday morning and reluctantly went for breakfast- there was no avoiding Potter now.

'Hey Lily! I haven't even _seen _you for the past couple of days. Did you die or something?', Potter asked, his eyes widening, 'Wait, you aren't Lily, are you? No wonder you agreed to go out with me!' putting one hand over heart he exclaimed, 'WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LILY?' I rolled my eyes, this is so typically _Potter._

That's when I saw Black standing not too far way from the Gryffindor table, he was pointing toward my diary and mouthing some randomly weird words, probably telling me to add a little more drama- I smirked, this is gonna be fun.

'James.', I let a fake tear slowly come out of my eyes,'You don't believe me? You don't trust me? HOW COULD YOU BE SO CRUEL?', I was sobbing now and I'm pretty sure he knew I was kidding and decided to play along.

'Lillllyyyyy! I beg you for your forgiveness.', he paused dramatically, 'I will make it up to you, would you do me the honour of coming to Hogsmeade with me?', he asked holding out his arm. After a threatening look from Sirius I reluctantly took his arm and walked to Hogsmeade, we probably looked like a married couple going for _a stroll in the woods _or something.

'So, wanna go to Three Broomsticks?', James asked as we reached Hogsmeade.

'Sure.' I was glad he didn't take me to Madame Puddifoot's. It would've been awkward.

When we reached there he pulled out a chair for me, I was shocked, I didn't expect him to be such a gentleman. Recovering fast, I smiled at him and sat down. We ordered a Butterbeer each.

'So', he said after 5 minutes of complete silence, 'What's your favorite subject?'

'James Potter, asking me about _anything_ to do with homework_? _I never thought this day would come.', I joked.

He rolled his eyes, 'Just trying to make a conversation. Sheeeesh, woman!'

'Charms. I'm pretty sure your's must be Transfiguration?'

'Yay, 10 points for Lily!', he smiled.

Hmm, funny, his smile wasn't arrogant for once. Yeah, _smiles _can be arrogant. Anyway, it was actually kind of nice. But _nothing _compared to Remus's smile. _Aah, his smile- his teeth as white as pear-_

'Evans?'

'...'

'Lily?'

'...'

'LILY?'

'Huh-what? Did you say something?'

'I said, you look beautiful.'

'Thanks.'I blushed.

That's when I saw Sirius sitting on the table in front of ours and I groaned.

Great, I thought, now I'm gonna have to wait for his stupid signal.

**I updated in one day! Yippeeee! :D**

**Anyway, I hope you guys liked this- unfortunately I couldn't make it too funny.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, alerted favorite or even read the story! **

**I'll try to update in a couple of days! (:**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer- I don't own anything except for the plot. :)**

Shit.

Guess I'm gonna have to wait for his signal. I sighed and turned my attention back to Potter.

Okay, I can ask him, we're on a _date _after all. It won't sound too fan-girly or something. At least I hope not. I mean, I'm just _curious._

'So', I asked casually,'I've been dying to know how you '_Marauders' _managed to pull off that prank last winter.'

'We pulled off _loads_ of pranks last winter', he smirked,' You're kinda gonna have to specify.'

I rolled my eyes. Again, _typical Potter. '_The one in which you Transfigured a statue to look like Dumbledore and made it tap dance.', I tried to look disapproving but I couldn't help but smile, it _had _been rather funny.

'Oh, _that', _Potter grinned, 'I transfigured the statue into good old Dumbly and charmed him-er- _it _to tap dance. Transfiguring it actually took a couple of hours. The Charm was- _Statuadumble Ballat! _It was a little complicated to do but I managed.'

'You mean _Remus _managed.' I smiled, Remus is obviously the only one clever enough to do such complicated spell-work.

'Actually when Sirius and I told him about the prank he didn't talk to us for a month. And Sirius, of course, didn't know how to do _anything _so I was stuck doing pretty much everything', he chuckled softly. I had to admit I was impressed, this big-headed git was actually really smart. I don't think I'd _ever _be able to Transfigure a statue of a gargoyle into a _spider_. Tranfiguring it into the headmaster of Hogwarts was like, impossible.

'I didn't know you were so good at Charms.', I blurted out. Great, just give this guy one more reason to gloat.

'Actually I'm not. I just practiced this charm on Peter's teddy bear for a couple of days.'

'Peter has a _teddy bear?'_ I tried not to laugh, I really did but I couldn't manage.

'HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! Ohmigosh, does the bear have a name?', I finally asked.

'Yeah', said James, amused, 'Mr Trottlybear.'

'Mr T-trottly bear?', I said between laughter. I could almost imagine that watery-eyed little midget carrying an oversized pink teddy bear.

I finally calmed down. After that it was well, awkward. I suppose awkward silence would be the perfect way to describe the next five minutes. Black gave me a threatening look, I guess that means I was supposed to start a conversation.

'So, how's uh- _Quidditch?', _I asked and immediately cringed, as if he needed another excuse to show off.

His face brightened, 'It's awesome! we've been practicing a lot for the past couple of weeks.'

'So I've heard.', I said, 'I've also heard you're the _best _Chaser ever and Gryffindor only wins because of your oh-so-fablulous Chaser-skills', my voice dripped with sarcasm.

'I don't know why people keep saying that. I mean, I know I'm awesome and everything but Quidditch is about being a _team, _you know.', He shrugged.

Okay, I might have fainted there and then, I didn't, though. I was too shocked to even react.

James Potter- not a conceited pig.

How? What? When?

I finally calmed down and said, 'WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO JAMES?', he chuckled, 'Deja vou, much?'

I couldn't help it, I laughed. I was just gonna ask him something else when I saw or rather _smelt _Sirus.

Great, just when I was starting to enjoy myself this idiotic lump of stupidity just _had _to give me the signal. Incase you're wandering what the signal is, let me tell you, the signal is..wait for it...Sirius scratching his underarms. I mean, I didn't even have to look at him to know he's giving me the signal. Seriously Sirius? (no pun intended) Ever heard of deodorant?

I sighed, now let those drama classes I never had, come into effect. I took a huge swig of my Butterbeer and then when he wasn't looking, I added a lump of sugar into it. This lump of sugar was molded to look like a ring. Yep, you guessed it.

I took another huge swig of my drink, picked up the sugar lump and shrieked, 'HE PROPOSED! HE ACTUALLY PROPOSED! YES YES YES YES! HEY EVERYONE I'M GONNA BE LILY POTTER!', I grabbed an innocent bystander and started jumping up and down with her, 'OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! JAMSIE POO PROPOSED!' I then climbed on top of the table.

'Uh, Lily?', James asked.

'One minute, James. WE'RE ENGAGED, SUCKERS! THE BUTTERBEER IS ON HIM!' I said pointing towards James.

Everyone immediately cheered and came to congratulate us.

Meanwhile, James looked, well, confused? No, scared, maybe? Well, to put it in simple words he looked as if he's wrestling with an octopus. That's when Sirius came up to us and asked,' Do you have some sugar? I need another lump of it in my coffee.' he then saw the 'ring' I was holding.

'Oh, thanks.', he smirked, grabbed the lump and walked back to his table.

Oh, well, I sat down again. 'You're still paying for the Butterbeers, James.' Now it was _my _turn to smirk.

...

The date was over, _finally._

The rest of the date lasted like, ten minutes where none of us said anything- James bluntly asked if I needed a therapist. I think Black is the one who need therapy. James and I then went back to the common room. As soon as we entered, I saw Sirius standing over there talking to some Third Year. How the hell did he manage to get here so fast, anyway? He then came to me and whispered-

'_Kiss him.'_

EW! Gross! But then I remembered.

_My diary._ The prat still has my diary, I think I'll steal it from him tomorrow, but I'm not sure I'll be able to.

Anyway, I was just a about a centimeter away from him; our lips were almost touching when-

'LILY AND PRONGSIE SITTING IN A TREE K-I-S-S-I-N-G'

Geez, thanks Sirius.

I wasn't sure whether I should be grateful or angry. I settled for grateful.

Because I didn't want to kiss James Potter. Right?

**They **_**almost **_**had their first kiss. :/**

**Sorry, I couldn't update earlier, there was some problem with Fanfiction. Oh and I once again wanted to thank everyone who reviewed this story- Your reviews made my day!**

**I hope you liked this chapter-It's my longest one yet! Though it was a bit difficult writing this one. I just can't get James's character right. :L**

**Anyway, please review and tell me what you think about this story so far. Constructive criticism would really be appreciated. **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer- I OWN NOTHING!**

**..**

'So, what're you doing in the holidays, Lily?', asked my friend, Anne.

I thought about the two letters I received just this morning.-

_Dear Lilykins,_

_Sweetie, would it be okay if you could stay in that magic school of yours for the Christmas holidays? Don't get me wrong, honey; Dad and I want you to come but Petunia has a new boyfriend and she's been a bit-er- fussy about you coming back. You see Petunia's convinced that you'll er- flush her boyfriend in the toilet. I know you've stayed in you school for Christmas holiday's before so I was sure you wouldn't mind. The choice is still yours of course._

_Enjoy yourself!_

_Love,_

_Mom_

_PS. I'm so excited to meet Pettie's little boyfriend! _

_Lily,_

_YOU MISERABLE FREAK! YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE! DON'T COME HERE FOR THE HOLIDAYS TO SCARE AWAY VERNON!_

_-Petunia_

I know, Isn't my sister an absolutely delightful person? Geez, ever heard of 'please'? (That rhymes! Okay, lame.)

'I guess, I'll be staying here', I replied dully.

'Aw, come on! We stayed here last time. It was so much fun! We threw banana cream pie on Pettigrew's butt.' I smiled at the memory but then shook my head and sighed.

'I know, but you all were here. This time I'll be stuck with _Sirius_.'

'Remus is staying too, you know.'

Now _that _caught my attention. I of course, have been crushing on him ever since he asked me for a quill in First Year. ('_Hey Lily! Can I borrow a quill?')_

Best day of my life.

'-In fact, this time you and the Marauders will be the only Gryffindor's staying.', Anne looked at me sympathetically, straightening her skirt.

I groaned.

Two weeks with the Marauders? Chances of my surviving are practically zero.

Geez, what a life I've got; dating an absolute toad, crushing on the toads best friend and being blackmailed by the toad's _other _equally toad-y best friend. My life's an effing nightmare.

...

I entered the Common room after saying the password (_Squggley Dwiggley) _and sank into my favorite squashy armchair. The holidays start tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to them. Maybe I should er, dispose of James and Sirius and spend time with Remus so that he realizes that he's in love with me and we get married and have kids.

I sighed. A happy, happy family. I closed my eyes. They're only a couple of people in the Common room right now which is a very rare thing. Finally! Some peace and quiet.

Just then I heard the Common room door opening. Three guesses on who came in? Thank god it's not James or Sirius for that matter, it's Remus! I quickly got up, fixed my hair and struck what I hoped to be a sexy pose.

He looked at me, probably thinking I'm insane.

\'Uh, Lily. What're you doing?' Note to self: Sexy Pose? Bad idea.

'Oh, I'm uh- doing Yoga exercises.' _Yoga exercises? _I _need _to enhance my excuse making skills.

'Cool. Are you from Tennesee?'

Oh. My. God.

Is he flirting with me? Eeeeeeek! ''Cause I'm the only ten you see?', I asked hopefully.

'Um, no. It's written on your shirt.' I turned beetroot red and looked down at my 'I LOVE TENNESEE' shirt.

'-but it's rather silly of me. I mean, you're British after all.' he continued running his fingers through his silky blondish hair. I decided I should get away from here before I start drooling over his oh-so perfect face.

'I gotta potty. See ya.' I said mentally slapping myself as I hurried into the girls dorm. I am soo embarrassed.

…**..**

It was six o'clock the same evening; I was munching on a packet of chocolate cookies that I stole from the house elves a couple of minutes ago when Black came in with Remus and Peter aka his other toad friends. Okay, not Remus. I immediately hid my cookies. For some evil reason Black looked excited.

'LIIILYY! THE SIRIUS HAS ARRIVED!'

Damn it.

'Evaporate, Black.'

'But Liiily! It's Christmas.' He whined. That's when James strutted in like he owned the god damned world.

'Evans!' he said smiling. 'A cookie for my cookie?' he offered.

I rolled my eyes. Cheesy, much? Then out of nowhere came Sirius's idiotic voice.

He was dancing like a demented frog, singing-

'Jingle bells

Evans smells

Peter picks his nose

Moony goes Tap-dancing

And Jamesey kisses crows!'

Remus raised an eyebrow. 'Do I want to know about the crows?'

Sirius opened his mouth to answer when James clamped his hand upon his mouth. 'No, absolutely not.' Said James with a smile almost as winning as Charlie Sheen's.

'

I had had enough. 'First of all', I said turning to Sirius, 'I do NOT smell, I have a bath thrice a day,' I turned to James, 'second of all, shut up. And thirdly,' I turned to Remus who as usual, looked adorable. 'Never mind.' I said, completely ignoring Peter as I walked off.

…

**Author's note-**

**I'm sooooo sorry I haven't updated for a while. And thank you so much for the reviews, they made me smile. **** I swear I'll update earlier from now on. I hope you liked this. –insert cheesy grin here-**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer- I OWN NOTHING!**

'POTTER! YOU BLOODY HIPPOGRIFF! ARE YOU _INSANE_?

PSYCHO? HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY UNDERWEAR!'

'Look, Evans, calm down. _Breathe_.'

'Calm down? _Calm down_? I DON'T WANNA CALM DOWN!' I yelled.

'Then you leave me no other choice.', said James as he leaned forward and started tickling me! _Me_! Ooh, that slimy snake.

'NOOOOOOOO!' I yelled unable to control my giggles. 'You can't hahaha- do this to me hahahaha. STOP!'

'Say, please?'

'Please?'

James raised an eyebrow. I sighed and laughed. I _am _being tickled after all.

'Fine, James is the hottest Quidditch player and is totally swoon-worthy and I beg him for forgiveness.', I recited dully. Jeez, who says swoon-worthy now days anyway?

James grinned. Evilly. 'Oh, pish posh, Evans, I never knew you felt this way about me. Took you long enough. I suppose, it must be hard to ignore my charming personality and good looks. I mean, I _am_ irresistible after all.' He winked.

I ignored him.

Today's the first day of the Christmas holidays. I was insanely excited at first but James had to ruin it. Stealing my underwear, oh, the horror. The Marauders and I were the only Gryffindor's who were staying here for the Holidays.

Stupid Potter.

Stupid Petunia.

Stupid Holidays.

Stupid Lily- acting like a complete moron around Remus.

I cringed, remembering yesterday's encounter with him. _I gotta potty?_ Really? I _always_ make a fool out of myself in front of him. He must be thinking I'm a _total_ nut.

The only reason I'll put up with Potter is because of Remus.

I remembered our 'date' and smiled. James was acting weird, though. Not like his usual self. In fact, he was a bit awkward. He's supposed to be annoying. It's _not _normal.

From the corner of my eye I could see Sirius sitting on an armchair alone_. _Yeah, you heard me, _alone. _Sirius Black. Minus his friends. Merlin, what's going on? I think I'll go ask him what's up with Potter. I walked up to him and cleared my throat. He looked up.

'Hello Evans. Missed me?'

'You _wish. _Anyway, why is your little toe-rag friend acting so weird?'

'Worried about him, are you?'

I scoffed. 'No way! He was just a little weird the other day. Is he like, on drugs or something?'

He gave me a look.

'Evans, do you have _any _idea how nervous he was about your little date?_. _He wasn't himself.' Sirius paused for a moment. 'In fact, he's _never _himself around you, nowadays.' He scrunched up his nose, 'you've turned him into an idiot, a lovesick idiot. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!'

Weird. I shrugged and sank into an armchair.

Potter's always been a bit odd in a creepy stalker-ish way, He's just the type to come up to me and say, _I don't know a thing about Merlin's pants, but I'd love to get into yours. _Why am I thinking about him? Why do I even _care? _

…**.**

I was working on my project _alone _as Black who's supposed to be my project partner didn't show up. Stupid Black. Stupid holiday homework.

Potter entered the Library. His robes were torn and he looked tired but very pleased with himself, as usual.

'Where's Sirius? That idiot's my partner!' I scowled.

'We were in the Forbidden forest and-'

'What part of _Forbidden _don't you get?'

He ignored me- there's a first.

'_Anyway, _we were in the forest and got attacked by a bunch of Flobberworms-'

'A bunch of _Flobberworms?'_

He looked offended. 'Why yes, of course! You've got no idea how dangerous they are. They chewed up Sirius-'

'But they don't even have teeth!'

'Whatever.'

I rolled my eyes.

He continued 'Well, so basically they attacked Sirius who fainted-' I sniggered. '-so I thought _this is it, James; the moment to prove yourself worthy of being a Gryffindor. You can do it!_ So I fought all five of them. On. My. Own.'

'How very brave of you!'

He grinned, oblivious to the fact that I'm being sarcastic.

'I know, right?' he went on cheerfully.

Madame Pince didn't seem to care about two of his students talking in the Library. I think it doesn't really matter during the holidays. Good for us, I guess.

'You still haven't told me where Sirius is.' I reminded him.

'Oh, he's in the hospital wing. He's got some serious injury or something. Wanna go visit him?'

'To gloat in his face? Hell, yeah!' I excused myself from the Library muttering something about visiting 'a close friend in great pain'. Even though I'm not sure how being attacked by Flobberworms can cause _any _pain. Jeez, what a bunch of drama queens.

…

Sirius was lying on a bed in the wing, with such an alarmed expression that I almost felt bad for him.

Almost.

'-He's going to have to stay here for about a week' Madame Pomfrey was telling James.

'_A week?' _I said. Pomfrey must have mistaken my excited tone for a worried one since she patted my back and said 'Don't worry dear, he'll be alright.'

I sure hope not.

'I _told _you the Flobberworms are dangerous' James said triumphantly.

'Oh no, dear. It's not the Flobberworms, he just had a panic attack _seeing _those Flobberworms. Isn't he a Gryffindor?'

'Yeah, he is.' It took all my will power not to crack up. As soon as he's recovered I'm gonna make his life hell.

Sirius is out of the picture, so I'm one step closer to being with Remus. Now, I just have erase James and I'll make sure Remus realizes that he's madly in love with me.

All I have to do is come up with a plan. That's probably the tough part.

…

**So did you like it? I hope so. **

**Anyway, thank you so much for reviewing! You guys are the best.**

**Someone pointed out that James is a bit OOC. I hope I managed to fix that.**

**Review and I'll love you forever! :D**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer- I own nothing.**

…

Turns out, evaporating James Potter was the easiest thing EVER!

All I had to do was sweet-talk him into going into the forest with me. The rest of my plan just flowed.

_**Flashback-**_

'_**This place really creeps me out', I said looking around.**_

'_**Don't worry I'll protect you.'**_

'_**Yeah.' I said, grinning.**_

'_**Oh look, Flobberworms! They attacked Sirius, we should take revenge!' I pointed.**_

_**James nodded furiously. 'I will fight them or die trying.'**_

'_**How very brave of you.'**_

'_**Well, what can I say? I AM a Gryffindor after all.'**_

_**With that he punched the nearest Flobberworm. 'Don't you have a wand or something?' I asked.**_

'_**Naaah, forgot to bring it.'**_

'_**Oh, carry on, then. I'll meet you in the common room later.'**_

'_**Bye, Lilykins.' He said as he karate kicked the other one with a big Hiyyy-aahh. And as I walked out of there I could hear James talking to the worms. 'Fight me like a man, you worthless piece of shit!' and 'OW! YOU BIT ME!' I smiled as I went- thinking about what an evil genius I am.**_

_**-end flashback-**_

I grinned, I left the poor guy alone in the forest fighting a gazillion Flobberworms. I'm sure they can't harm him but what if he gets into coma or something? That'd suck for him. Oh, well.

I walked into the Library, hoping to find Remus. And there he was, sitting in a corner with a dozen books.

'Hey Remus!'

'Hey, what's up?'

'Ooh, nothing.'

'Seen James anywhere?'

'Er- he had to run some..errands.'

'Oh.'

'I was just going to meet Sirius, wanna come?'

'Sure, I still can't get over him being in shock after seeing a _flobberworm.'_

…

'So you're telling me he's _still _in shock?'

'Yes, he seems to be petrified of Flobberworms, must be a past life thing.' Said Madame Pomfrey.

Remus and I had come to visit Sirius in the hospital. He came because he was actually _worried _and I came because it'll be an AWESOME way to blackmail him. I even got my camera. Heck, it isn't everyday that a blackmailing douche bag gets petrified. Hopefully, it'll be enough to get my diary back.

'So can he talk to us right now?' Remus asked, looking amused.

'Yes, why not?' Madame Pomfrey said.

'Is he sleeping?' I asked, hopefully I'll be able to take pictures. I can almost imagine the headlines in the Hogwarts Times- Petrified_ by Flobberworms. _Everyone will see it and I'll be able to force Sirius into exile.

I subconsciously started cackling evilly. 'Uh, are you okay?' Remus asked.

I hastily turned it into a cough. 'Yeah, just a er- tickle in my throat?'

'And, to answer your question, he _is _awake and waiting anxiously to meet you, Lily. Said something about Black's Mail. I suppose it's because he's not entirely in his senses.'

Black's Mail? Oh fuck, blackmail? Shit. Ruuun! Too late though, Remus was already dragging me in there to meet him.

'Evans, is that you?' he asked groggily.

'Uh huh'

'I have an idea for the next blackmail thingy-'

'Sirius? Remus is-'

'Not in love with you. James is. Isn't that the point of this whole blackmailing thing?'

'But Sirius-'

He raised his hand 'Look, Lily, If you wanna be un-blackmailed your diary is gonna be leaked. Your dirty little fantasies about Remus would be known'

'_WHAT?'_

'Remus, my buddy, what're you doing here?' said Sirius pleasantly.

'Oh, nothing much, just listening to you and Lily plotting James heartbreak and Lily I'm so-'

'Were you _eavesdropping?'_ Sirius interrupted, shocked.

Meanwhile, I was resisting the urge to run away and hide. Or perhaps burst into tears. Which is exactly what I _tried_ to do. But Remus didn't let me. I was blushing furiously. Coming here was a BIG mistake. Sirius just ruined everything for me. But I can't exactly blame him- the poor guy's practically in coma.

'Lily, I'm sorry, but I don't feel that way about you.'

'Oh.' What else could I say? I was trying my best not to burst into tears.

'Lily, I really am sorry. It's just that, James lo-er-likes you. He honestly does, no matter what you think. He'll be heart broken. I actually am sorry ' he said sincerely.

'I-' I began

'I'm gonna puke!' Sirius groaned, making a gagging noise.

'RUUUUN!' Remus screamed as I got to my senses and ran out of there.

…

I ran.

And ran.

And ran.

I don't have too much stamina so I could only run for around five minutes. I managed to reach a broom closet and cried my eyes out. I don't remember crying so much in my entire life. Why am I so upset, anyway? After hours of crying I realized that I cried for no reason at all. I mean, so what if Remus doesn't like me, it's not the end of the world. I'll get over it. I've never been the type to cry over some stupid guy anyway. I suppose I'll be sad. But at the end of the day it's _his _ loss. Mine too, but I can ignore that minor detail. I'm not too good in the brain category when I'm-

(i) Upset

(ii) Angry

(iii) Trying not to be (i) and (ii)

So naturally I had to do just about the dumbest thing ever- trip over the trick stair. And if that wasn't enough I had to faint too.

The next thing I know, I'm lying in the Hospital Wing with Sirius Black. Could I get any worse luck? Didn't think so. Madam Pomfrey was fussing over me and giving me all sorts of nasty medicines because I was having a splitting headache.

'Who got me here, anyway?' I enquired.

'Oh, yes, it was young Peter Pettigrew. He leviated you.'

'I better thank him sometime, then.'

Apparently satisfied she walked away, probably to treat some other unfortunate soul. 'If you craved my company so badly, you could have told me. I mean, jeez, no need to almost kill yourself.' Sirius said.

'Oh, so you can talk now?' I said sarcastically. 'Well, Black I've got news for you. Since you very kindly told Remus _everything _I don't have to play your little game with you.'

'Well, my dear Lilykins, Remus is not the only thing you wrote about.' With that he took out my diary from under his pillow, wow, he sure is a dedicated blackmailer.

'_Diary, I did something horrible - I lost a library book. I know, I'm toast. But that's not the horrible part- I gave Madame Pince a duplicate book. If anyone finds out I'll be expelled for sure. I can't believe it-I'm so stupid. I flushed it down the toilet by mistake- don't ask how. I hope I'm not ex-'_

'Shut up!' I hissed hoping no one heard him.

Great, now he knows everything and there's nothing I can do about that.

I sighed 'So, now what?' I asked.

…

**AN- 80 reviews? Wow. Thank you soo much. :)**

**Oh, and this chapter isn't as good as I hoped it would be, but whatever. I hope you guys like it, anyway.**

**Sorry for the late update. I'll try to update earlier from next time. :D**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer- I own nothing except the story, of course**

…

'Oh, Evaaans?' James asked, looking evilly excited.

'What do you want?'

'Aw, c'mon, cheer up, it's the CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS! What're you doing, anyway?'

I looked down at my Christmas List. I was still totally confused about what to give everyone. I love Christmas shopping but it's a pain thinking about what to give. I should've figured this out _months _ago.

'Evans? EVANS?'

'Uh, what?'

'I asked you what you're doing. Geez, what's up with you?'

I glared at him, 'Actually I'm trying to think of what to give everyone. Why'd you come here anyway?'

'Right, I wanted to ask you what your favorite colour is.'

'My favorite…colour?'

'Uh huh'

'Why?'

'Oh, never mind that.'

'Pink.'

'_Pink? _You're such a girl.'

'Glad you noticed.'

'I also wanted to ask you why're you being so nice to me.'

What could I say? The truth? _Oh, your best friend is a blackmailing douche bag and he stole my bloody diary and if I'm not nice to you he'll post it in our newspaper and everyone will know about my undying love for your other best friend._

Yeah, I could totally say that. Instead I said. 'Don't get used to it.'

'It's a bit too late for that.'

'Whatever.'

We just sat there in silence. I think I'll give most of my friends muggle stuff. They might just like it. But where do I get it from?

I took my money and got up. I sighed, time to go.

'Mind if I join you?' James asked hopefully.

I shrugged and we left.

…

Two weeks ago if anyone told me I'll be going to Hogsmead with James Potter I'll probably laugh. Now, I'm the one who's _willingly_ going Christmas shopping with him. He might be able to help me buy a gift for Remus, just y'know to let him know I'm _so over him. _Because I am. Really.

'Did you know there's a muggle shop over here?' he asked.

'Seriously?'

'Yeah. Well, not in Hogsmead but close by.'

'How do we get there?'

'We apparate.'

'Have you lost it? I haven't even given the Exam.'

'So? I know how to. You can just accompany me.'

'If you break a single body part I will personally make sure you don't come back alive.' I warned.

'Sure.'

…

'So _this _is how you get all your stuff.'

'All my Muggle stuff, you mean.'

James and I were standing in a department store in London. I can't believe he managed the side-along apparation. I actually came out alive! Wow, miracles really do happen.

'I'll meet you here in half an hour.' I said.

'Sure, see you.' His grin faltered but he was quick at covering up.

After roaming around I came to the conclusion that this place is huge. And by huge I mean _huge. _I had bought around a thousand chocolates and dozens of reindeer cookies which I'm gonna give everyone along with their gifts. Luckily, I've already picked out presents for my entire family including Tuny. I was thinking I'll get some crystallized pineapples for Professor Slughorn. I'll buy them from Hogsmeade. Now, for my roommates, I just picked up earrings and bracelets and stuff like that.

Now comes my main problem- James Potter. I'd been told by Sirius that I'm supposed to give him something...too ridiculous to mention. Fine, I'll tell you, SOAP. He wants me to give him personalized _soap._ Now, how the hell am I supposed to get soap with 'Think of me when you're dirty' written on it. WHERE?

And come on, '_Think of me when you're dirty'_? Can you get any cheesier? Or more disgusting? But the good thing is that James Potter himself, is cheesy and disgusting he'll probably think it's cute. Not that I want him to think it's cute. I want him to think I'm crazy so he'll break up with me and I'll resume my normal life. Wait a minute. I've got an idea. Let me buy a normal bar of soap and magically engrave the stupid thing on it.

Now for Remus. I don't care I'll probably pick up the first thing I see. Y'know since _I don't care_. I turn my head and my eyes fall on this umbrella. Hmm, umbrella. Too protective, I mean, he'll be walking in the rain holding _my_ umbrella, which will make sure he doesn't get pneumonia or something. Maybe I should get him an umbrella with holes in it. I continued searching, Hmm, what would convey to him that I'm over him.

Hat- Naaah, too 1950's. I mean, who _wears_ hats.

Clothes- He's not a house elf.

Toothbrush- I WANT HIM TO GET CAVITIES.

Shoes- Perfect. It'll convey my message perfectly- ' Next time you hurt me I'm gonna kick your ass.' And y'know ass-kicking is done wearing shoes. Unless you prefer doing it barefoot.

I happily pick up these beautiful pink ballet shoes with bows on them. I do hope he likes them. I mean, they are his size. Not that I know his size. I totally don't know. I'm not such a stalker. Now, Sirius. I grinned. I'd thought of this _ages _ago. I'm gonna give him a Santa Poo Poo toy. Y'know the Santa's who poop out candy. That is _so _Sirius Black. I pay my bills and make my way to meet Potter. He comes holding at least a dozen paper bags. I look down at the four bags I'm holding gingerly and feel like a terrible person. Anyway, time to go back. Yay.

**Authors note-**

**Omg, I'm SOO sorry. I haven't updated in like, 4 months. Oops? :L I've had a serious case of writers block. And exams. And homework. And guitar practice.**

**Oh, and thank you so much for all your reviews. You guys really are the best. :D This chapter is basically a filler. I figured I should develop the story a little. I swear, I WILL update earlier. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter yadda yadda yadda.**

'ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME-'

'Seven swans swimming, Six geese laying, five golden rings, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree. WE GET IT!' I said grumpily. Sirius looked mortally offended. I rolled my eyes.

Sirius was delighted since it's Christmas time, he had an excuse to sing, so he's been singing this the whole day. And by the whole day I literally mean the _whole day._ Everybody in Gryffindor has probably learnt this carol by heart. If I _ever _hear him sing it again, I'll hex him into oblivion. Or erase his memory. Hmm, maybe I can even drown him in a cauldron. There were _so_ many possibilities.

There's not much time left until Christmas, I couldn't help feeling excited. I _love _Christmas. _Everything_ about it. Well, minus Sirius's singing.

'Don't be such a Scrooge, Evans.' He said.

'Hey, it's not my fault! _You're _the one who's singing like duck with bronchitis.' I said.

'You wound me.'

'Shut up. Anyway, how do you even know who Scrooge is? I find it hard to believe that you read a Charles Dickens book.'

'Well, I did. I wanted to annoy my mother and reading muggle books seemed to work rather well.'

And with that he started singing. _Again_.

I sighed and walked away, trying to find a good place to think. I've been trying to figure out a way to get my diary back _without _breaking the rules. I've never been much of a rule-breaker. Unfortunately, there was no other option but to sneak into the boy's dormitory and steal it. I internally shuddered at the thought of what I might find there- decomposed skeletons, dirty underwear and merlin knows what else. Knowing Sirius, it won't be pleasant.

I was just about to leave for the Library when Sirius stopped me.

'What do you want?' I asked, annoyed.

'I want you to do the thing I told you to do.'

'What?' _Please don't be the blackmail. Please don't be the blackmail._

He smirked. 'You know what.'

_No way, there is NO WAY I'm doing this. Never, not in a million years, not in a million centuries. I'm gonna get my diary back and when I do I'm gonna kick his sorry butt. I will use my not-so-amazing Transfiguration skills and turn him into a cockroach. I don't care if human transfiguration is not allowed. I WILL DO IT. _

'Well..?' He said.

Right, I haven't replied yet.

'Of course.' I say smiling sweetly. There's not much Sirius-bashing I could do in this situation but I did make sure that before I left the common room for the library, I stepped on his foot. Hard.

…

I can't believe I'm doing this. After spending an hour in the library, debating on whether I should attempt to get my diary back or not, I came to the conclusion that I will. Which is probably why I'm here, surrounded by stinky socks, underwear and other stuff- I'll spare you the details.

I was pretty sure this place would be a lot dirtier if it wasn't for the house elves. The poor creatures must suffer everyday being in this room, trying to clean it. I feel so sorry for them. And at the moment, for myself. I pinched my nose plug- (yes, a nose plug, I don't know how I'd survive without it) and began rummaging through the piles of underwear. _It has got to be in here somewhere- _as soon as I had this thought I tripped over something. Bingo! It's a black diary. Its mine, I think. Wait, of course its mine. I was just about to open it when I heard voices. I hid behind Sirius's underwear pile. Just in time- Remus and Peter entered.

'Where could it _go_?' Peter asked, almost in tears.

'I'm sure we'll find it, Pete.' Remus said reassuringly.

'But what if we don't?'

'Then buy another pair of socks.'

'But they're _pink. _And fuzzy.'

'No offense, Pete, but don't you think they look a little too-'

'Too WHAT?'

'Urm, intimidating?'

'Well, I _am _rather intimidating, aren't I?'

'Uh, of course you are.'

I wasn't really paying too much attention to what they were saying; I was too busy staring at Remus.

_Remus._ _His voice is so soothing. Like the ocean- even his eyes are like the ocean, deep, meaningful and oh so- _Wait a minute. I'm over him. Why do I keep forgetting that?

I vaguely heard Peter say something about how he singlehandedly fought a ninja to death when, finally, they left. I quietly went down the stairs and into the common room. I felt like dancing around screaming, ' I GOT MY DIAAAAARY BACK!' But I am more mature than that. Instead, I sank into my favorite armchair, closed my eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. No more going out with that toad. No more blackmailing from the toad's best friend, the pig. I am going to lock my diary from now on.

I opened the diary. I hope Sirius hasn't spoiled it or anything. As soon as I did, my jaw dropped. On the first page, with messy handwriting was written-

'_This journal belongs to Sirius Orion Black.'_

**Authors note-**

**Happy new year, everyone! I'm sorry for not updating. I can't promise faster updates, but I'll try my best. I hope you guys liked this chapter. **

**Oh, and I got 100 reviews! YAYYY! :D Thank you so much, all of you. Your reviews make me so happy! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer- No, I don't own Harry Potter.**

'_This journal belongs to Sirius Orion Black.'_

Wait, WHAT?

It took me a while to absorb the fact that _I _am holding _Sirius Black's diary. _I didn't even know he HAD a diary. Whatever, the point is that I shouldn't read his diary. It's not right. I can't stoop as low as he did when he read mine.

Who am I kidding? _Of course_ I should read it- he's been blackmailing me with my diary for so long so I kind of have the right to read his. Right?

Feeling a bit guilty, I turned the page of his diary and started reading it.

'_Dear diary, I mean, very manly journal_

_I, Sirius Black will be doing you the honour by writing in you. Don't expect me to write down my 'thoughts and feelings' in this- I'm not some hormonal acne ridden teenage girl. But anyway, you won't believe what happened yesterday- PETER CALLED ME FAT! I am NOT fat. Muscular, yes but not fat. But just to be on the safe side, I will have nothing but chocolates from now on- can't risk losing this body you know. Girls fancy it. Speaking of girls, Christy Cambrilla came yesterday and threw herself at me. Literally. She pounced on me, I first thought it's because, you know…. But then I realized she found out about Sophie. And Tina. And Julia. And Kate. And Bella..or was it Becca? Whatever, the point is she tried to hit me not hit on me. Well, she DID hit me, with a pair of purple heels. And the design of those shoes, SO last year. Bye now, better go and get Becca/Bella to massage me._

…

_Dear whatever-it-is-I'm-doing-with-my-time_

_I overheard a conversation between Snivellus and one of his watery eyed midget friends today. I couldn't really make out what they were saying but I'm pretty sure I caught the words 'Sirius Black' and 'miserable old pig'. I was kind enough to take that as a compliment. Pigs are rather lovely, aren't they? Anyway, today The Marauders plan to execute a carefully planned, guaranteed to work plan to woo our darling Lily Evans. Don't get me wrong I don't plan to woo her- I have better taste than that! This is all for Jamesie, dear lovestruck Jamesie. Now you must be wondering why I'm helping him? What is my ulterior motive? I hate to disappoint you, but I don't have one (Surprise!) You see, James is my brother and that red haired evil witch is, most unfortunately, his everything. Now do you understand why I have to help him? He will NEVER stop talking about her. He looks so miserable, it's actually rather sickening. What's happened to him? All he does is talk about her, or he has that devoted, drooly expression on his face which makes it pretty obvious he's thinking about her. _

_Now, the plan. We plan to give Lily Evans a…-wait for it- LILY! But not just any ordinary Lily, but a magic lily (genius, isn't it?) This lily for Lily has been charmed to tap dance and sing! This song is something James and I spent HOURS writing. It goes like this-_

"_What have you done?_

_Is this your idea of fun?_

_You've stolen my thoughts, my actions, my heart_

_Without thinking of you, now I can't even fart._

_I dream of you, your pretty little laugh_

_Your neck, as slender as the neck of a Giraffe ._

_Lily, lily_

_You're not silly! _

_But you do scream_

_Lily, lily_

_You're not silly_

_Just a bit mean_

_But give me a chance_

_I swear I'm not as evil as I seem!"_

_I think we did a rather good job, don't you?_

…

_We just finished saving James, who was being hexed by Lily. For some reason, she didn't seem to appreciate the lovely song/poem we wrote for her. She thought he's a 'stinking pile of poop' and that he's 'so insensitive' and he 'doesn't have a single brain cell in that inflated head of his.' I must admit, I did laugh at that. So she proceeded to hex me. Later James told me it's all my fault and kept giving me death glares. That's gratitude for you._

_We also started planning our next great prank which involved Dumbledore, a statue and tap dancing shoes. (We do seem to have a thing about tap dancing, don't we?) Anyway, Prongs is using his transfiguration skills to transfigure the statue into Dumbledore. When we told Remus about the plan, he told us he won't talk to us, that it's to 'dangerous' and can get us into trouble. I wonder how long this not talking thing will last. I give it a month, tops. _

_Oh, and I stole Lily Evans's diary today. Well, not really stole, more like borrowed…without permission. It wasn't hidden very well. But, anyway, I plan to read it soon. _

…

_I just read most of her diary, it's so hilarious, not to mention nauseating. It seems that widdle Lily Evans has a bit of a crush on our very own MOONY. How funny is that? Are you not laughing your butt off right now? Right, you're a diary. You don't have a butt. Anyway, this is some of the stuff that's written in here-_

'_Remus, you're so very clever_

_I will stop liking you, never_

_You have the eyes of a sparkling sea_

_Why, oh why don't you be with me-'_

_NOW do you realise why I was ready to puke? Isn't this the most disgusting and hilarious thing ever? Why are all funny things disgusting, anyway? Like farts. Speaking of farts, I farted while I was with Susan today- she then proceeded to gaze at me with adoring eyes and said 'Oh, Sirius. You are just so very charming.'_

_Just kidding, she didn't say 'Oh, Sirius.' Instead she said, 'Oh, my snuggly wuggly Siri.' So you wouldn't blame me for running as fast a so can out of there. I mean, 'Snuggly wuggly Siri?' That would probably make Satan grab whatever he could and run. Anyway, I've got to go. I've just got the most amazing, twisted, evil idea ever!_

…

_Blackmail. _

_How perfect is this word? Perfect for me, I mean. You know since my name's Sirius BLACK? Gettit? ...Never mind. _

_Anyway, this one word will ensure my entertainment for at least a year. You see, I will blackmail Lily Evans. She will HAVE to go out with James **__insert evil laughter here** This is honestly the only way she'll actually give Jamesie a chance. I mean, you should see the poor guys face when he's rejected again and again. For some odd reason he actually LIKES her. The Red Haired Monster would be informed about this tonight. I plan to tell her most subtly. As subtly as I can, anyway. I got a letter from my mother again- way to ruin my day. She said the usual, 'I wish you were never born-disrespecting the Blacks-Causing shame to our family-friends with uhm, "mudbloods"-friends with James' Just the usual. Even though I'm quite used to Mum being like this- it doesn't make it hurt any less. I mean, she's my MOTHER. She's supposed to be mother-ish, like James's mother. Anyway, this topic is getting way too depressing for me- I'm off to blackmail Evans._

…

_Success. I told her my genius blackmail idea. The bunny ears one, this is going to be so funny. I also spent an hour listening to James cooing about Evans. Today's topic was her left earlobe. As odd as it sounds, it's certainly and improvement from yesterdays topic- her toenail. I don't know if this is how people normally act when they're in love but if it is, it's not something I ever want to experience. I'm strangely excited for Lily's little bunny thing. I spent about an hour with Diana/Donna in the broom closet. And I also hexed Snape- so it's been a rather productive day. More tomorrow, I need my beauty sleep._

…

'_You are so pretty_

_And so witty_

_Remus, it's such a pity_

_That I can't be as close to you as I am with my kitty' _

_These lines above, dear diary, are what made my day today. You see, not only is she in love with Remus. She writes __**poetry **__about him which is why Evans is my new favorite. I'm sorry for my rather short and abrupt diary/manly journal entries but I feel rather odd writing in this. Maybe it's because the only other person I know who keeps a diary is Lily Evans. And Peter- but this sort of thing is what you expect from Peter. _

…

_I just came back up after witnessing 'Lily's Little Bunny Thing' which was a success. It comprised of her dancing in a bunny costume singing a rather adorable Muggle song called 'Cuppy Cake'. James went ballistic. I really must apologise but my journal entries would be shorter and less frequent from now on. You see, every time I want to write here, I have to spend hours looking for you. There is a bit of a mess here, you see. Well, maybe more than a bit. My underwear (lying on the floor) is becoming rather smelly. I do feel quite itchy too-_

That's it- I've had enough. I feel way too guilty. How could I _do _such a thing? What's wrong with me? I have intruded into Sirius's personal life and I owe him an apology. But this apology will be given to him _after_ I blackmail him. An evil grin slowly crept up on my face.

**Authors Note-**

**Okay, I know I haven't updated in…more than four months. I'm really sorry. Forgive me? (:**

**Anyway, this chapter is like, the longest one I've ever written. I'm sorry for ending it so abruptly but I was honestly sick of writing. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed Sirius's Journal as much as I enjoyed writing it! I also hope I haven't let you down by it. Oh, and thanks for reviewing my story. I really appreciate it. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer- I, most unfortunately, don't own Harry Potter.**

_Confusion._

That's the perfect word to describe how I'm feeling right now. I, Lily Evans am going to do the meanest thing ever. Not only have I intruded into Black's personal life by reading his diary; I have also decided to blackmail him. Well, I'm still not sure. It's pretty obvious it's the wrong thing to do- but didn't he do the exact same thing with me? Wouldn't it be considered even?

…

As I walked into the common room after breakfast I spotted Sirius sitting with Peter on an armchair singing carols. As usual. With Christmas less than two days away, nobody had the heart to stop him. I mean, _everybody _loves Christmas.

After a lot of thinking, I've decided I _won't _blackmail him. Why should I stoop as low as him? I'll just get him to exchange diaries with me.

"Well, hello there, Evans."

"Black."

"Yes?"

"I need to speak to you."

"Then speak."

"_Alone."_

"Oh." He waggled his eyebrows "Control your emotions Evans."

"_Now!"_ I yelled.

"Okay, okay; why're you getting to angry?"

I rolled my eyes and led him to a corner.

"Look, there's something I need to tell you." I began cautiously.

"Don't tell me you have feelings for me, Evans." He said, shocked.

I ignored him.

"I want to make a deal with you." I said, as I took out his diary from my bag. His eyes widened with horror.

"You stole my diary?" He asked, shocked. "YOU'RE SUCH A WITCH!"

I gave him a look.

"Oh, wait..."

I rolled my eyes, "_Anyway, _give me my diary or else I'll post this in the Hogwarts Times."

"You didn't _read _it, did you?" He looked so miserable that I almost felt sorry for him.

Almost. I also felt exceedingly guilty.

"Maybe a little of it…" I admitted grudgingly.

"How _could _you, Evans? You can't just read someone's diary you know."

"I know, I'm so- Wait a minute, _you stole my diary!"_

"That's besides the point. The _point _is that I'm not giving you your diary back."

"What?", I asked, surprised. "I have your diary!"

"I'm sure you have made that quite clear to me already."

"_Your diary."_

"I prefer to call it journal."

"Don't you want it back?"

"I do but this blackmailing is much more important."

"You are _such _a sadist.

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

Okay, so this is bad. It didn't occur to me that Sirius _didn't _want his diary back.

"But." He said. "I am willing to trade diaries on one condition."

I do _not _like the sound of this. But what choice do I have?

I sighed, "And that is..?"

"You will go on just one date with James."

"Bu-"

"This time", he cut me off, "this date won't be supervised. I will not control what you say and what you do like I did last time. You have, my dear Evans, what is known as "The Freedom Of Speech.'" He smirked.

I thought about it. The last date wasn't that bad. It wasn't _nice _or anything. But it certainly wasn't bad. I suppose I'll have to give it a shot since Sirius doesn't seem to be at all interested in his journal.

"All right." I said. "But just _one _date."

**Author's note-**

**Okay, so this is probably my lamest chapter yet. Not to mention the shortest. That's probably because I just don't know how to make this chapter interesting. But the next chapter will be ******drumroll* their date! :D ****Anyway, I updated after less than a month, yay! I hope to finish off this fanfic by July. I've got no idea how I'll do that. I promise I will update next week, though. Thank you again for your amazing reviews! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer- I don't own Harry Potter.**

'This is_ not _how I expected to spend Christmas Eve,' I thought, as I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. I really wasn't looking forward to our 'date'. If you can call this a date; More of a nightmare. But it had to be done. After this I'll be free! Oh, how I wish-

"Hello, Lily." A voice said. I turned around to see Remus, who for grinning at me. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice that I've walked into the common room.

"Hi," I replied awkwardly, "How've you been?"

"Good, thanks. You?" He said.

_Oh, just dandy. My life is so pleasant right now with your stupid friend making my life miserable. _

"Great!" I said managing a rather weak smile.

"Oh," He said looking down.

This is awkward with a capital A. I saw Sirius smirk at me from across the room. I made a face at him. "Enjoying yourself, Evans?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

I was just about to reply with one of my witty remarks (Not while I can smell you, you pig) when James Potter tapped me on the shoulder. He looked slightly nervous, though very pleased with himself. It was so embarrassing asking him out yesterday. It was far less embarrassing than the bunny costume thing. I shuddered at the thought of it.

"So," he said grinning, "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes." I said, not too enthusiastically.

…

"So, Three Broomsticks?" He asked.

"Yeah," I replied, again, not too enthusiastically.

"You don't seem to be too happy" He said, stating the obvious.

"Nope, I'm fine."

"Oh."

There was silence.

"So, Evans." He said, "Can't live without me, can you?"

"You wish."

"Oh, come on, Evans. This is the _second _time you've asked me out. It's blatantly obvious that you like me." He grinned.

"James?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

This was so awkward. Not to mention annoying. I have come to the conclusion that I really don't like him.

"So I was wondering," he said, "What made you suddenly like me, anyway? Was it my good looks? Or my wit? Or my talent? Or was my sex appeal?" He waggled his eyebrows then smirked.

"Actually," I said, "It's your modesty."

"I _knew _it!" He said triumphantly.

I rolled my eyes.

"But seriously, Evans. Don't ask me out again! I'd of shame. Remus, Sirius and Peter spent _hours _teasing me. Next time _I'll _ask you out."

"Provided there is a next time."

" Of course there will be a next time!" He said, " Don't be so hard on yourself, Evans. You're good enough for me. I know I have high standards, but you're perfect."

Could this guy be any more arrogant?

'Uh-"

"But seriously," He said. "You're perfect."

I blushed. I'm not sure why, but I did.

…

**ten minutes later**

"So then," he said laughing, " I told him 'You, sir, are a moron.' You should have _seen _his expression, Lils. He looked like a diseased wet slug."

I couldn't breathe. I don't remember laughing so hard. Everyone on all the other tables was giving us weird looks.

"My sister did something like this once." I said.

"You have a sister?"

"Yep."

"Is she half as good looking as you?"

"She has a _boyfriend, _Potter. A very ugly one."

"Most pretty girls get ugly boyfriends." He said. "Well, you'll be an exception. I am, after all, stunning."

"You're not my boyfriend."

"I assure you, I will be."

I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but smile.

"Had anyone ever told you, you're _arrogant?"_

"If I got a penny every time someone told me that.."

"Lemme guess, you'd be rich?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

Half an hour and three Butterbeers later, we were ready to go. I was beginning to think Potter isn't that bad. Arrogant, of course, but not evil. We began walking towards Hogwarts.

"Okay, Evans, I'm trusting you here. The Marauders and I have discussed this and it's very important."

"What?" I asked suspiciously.

He leaned in closer and whispered. "We are planning the biggest prank ever on McGonagall. "

"_McGonagall? _Are you _crazy? _She's more hard to prank than Dumbledore."

"Right." He said. "Which is why we need your help."

"Why me?" I asked.

"Okay. First of all, you're pretty and we need someone pretty. Second of all, everyone in the Marauders likes you. Especially me. Third, you're very scary when you're angry." He shuddered.

"Um."

"Sirius has highly recommended you."

"_Sirius?" _I asked.

"Yep."

"…"

_What is he up to? _I'm pretty sure this has something to do with his little blackmailing scheme. I was so lost in my thoughts that I bumped into a tree. Yeah, a tree. James found it very amusing.

"So..?"

"So what?"

"Will you do it?"

"Nope."

"C'mon Evans!" He whined

"No."

"But you're our only hope."

"No."

"Please.."

"Shut up."

"Pretty please, Evans."

"NO!"

"Evans, don't you have a heart? I'm begging you"

"Oh, alright."

"Yay!" He danced all the way to Hogwarts.

In the common room when he kissed me on the cheek I made a face. Then when he wasn't looking I smiled and didn't stop until I reached my dormitory.

**Author's note-**

**I updated in a week! :D Yay! I promise I'll update next week, or this week. **

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter. Hope you enjoyed reading it! Thanks for all your reviews. **


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